FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE

No matter how clearly we think we are expressing ourselves, someone is going to misunderstand it. It's THE problem with electronic communication. Actually, it's a problem with any communication which isn't face-to-face. People probably used to misunderstood each other's handwritten letters. 

The difference between the old, snail mail method and the modern snappier email method is the speed of response time. When you wrote it out in longhand (remember longhand??), you had time to notice if you were being hasty in your response. There was time to rethink, rewrite, moderate your response.

:-D I believe the :-) was invented entirely to convey that what you are writing isn't meant negatively :-(

I use emoticons liberally, though they are considered bad English (they aren't English at all) and childish. Children are good at conveying feelings, so I'm not averse to being childish if it improves communications a little.

I tend to be brusque, both in person and in writing. Short. I try to be witty, but it doesn't always come across as wit. Sometimes, it just sound mean. My attempts to be "cute" can easily backfire and be misread as snide, snippy, and dismissive. 

So, if you think I am being an asshole, you should know:

1) If I'm being snide, snippy, or dismissive, it'll be obvious. You won't have to guess. No wondering what I mean. I'm not that subtle. Really.

2) My wrists hurt. My typing is getting worse. Of the emerging issues caused by pain in wrists, the most malignant are missing words. Not misspelled or otherwise mangled. Words that aren't there at all. Particularly unfortunate when the missing word is "not" -- exactly reversing the meaning of a thought yet appearing grammatical.

SOLUTIONS?

Lacking fonts that clearly express sarcasm or irony -- both of which are better expressed by tone of voice, body language, and facial expression -- maybe we (me) should consider alternate forms. This is difficult since I have always tended to be sarcastic. (I used to be worse, but I'm in recovery.) 

That kind of wit (?) doesn't translate well in text. Not yet, anyhow and until it does, I'm considering humor less likely to be misread.

The second solution isn't a solution, but might help. Before you decide you've been insulted, dismissed, treated with scorn, etc., check with the comment's originator. Make sure what you know is what was meant. That it wasn't a complex typo, or a failed joke.

PARANOIA

It's easy to read everything as a form of criticism. I've seen people slide into this by degrees until they successfully misinterpret everything. You need some toughness to live in the virtual world. You also need patience, in the sense of not jumping to conclusions. Finally, you have to remember you are not the center of everyone's world.

One of my many problems with the whiners, complainers, oh woe is me-ers is they have sunk so deep into their own "issues," they forget other people have lives. People can be brusque -- dismissive -- and it hasn't got anything to do with you. They are responding to something going on in their world to which you are not privy.

Usually, you will never know what is or was going on unless they choose to tell you. Because many of us like to keep our private things private. I deal with intimate issues intimately, face-to-face. Or telephone-to-telephone. Not on my blog.

PRIVACY IS A GOOD THING

Which brings me to the final point.

Bloggers can easily contact each other privately. If you have a bone to pick with someone -- or think you do -- try email. Directly. To the individual. Even if your position is righteous and your cause is just, public isn't the best place to resolve a dispute.

Why not? Because it invites strangers to jump in -- which won't help anyone fix anything. Because once you've publicly insulted someone or hurt their feelings, they may be disinclined to forgive you. Ever.

And finally, because squabbling about personal stuff online is tacky. Totally teenage, very Facebook, and not classy at all.

THE INTERCONNECTNESS OF ALL THINGS

More than half the posts I write -- including this one -- are born while commenting on someone else’s post.

The late great Douglas Adams (who shared my birthday, March 11th -- I'm sure that means something, but I have no idea what) created a character that I dearly love. Dirk Gently (also known by a number of other names, including Svlad Cjelli), was the owner/operator of Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. It operated based on the "fundamental interconnectedness of all things." I believe in Douglas Adams and Dirk Gently. We all operate, knowingly or not, on the fundamental interconnectedness of all things.

We are intricately and intimately linked. I wonder if we take for granted how bound to others we are in this strange cyber world we have created. I have read and heard much talk about the isolation of each person, alone and lonely with their computer. It has been put out there as a metaphor for the estrangement of people from each other the symbolic isolation of individuals.

I don’t think it's true. For me, for many of my friends, for my husband, isolation would be life without the Internet. For anyone who suffers a chronic illness, for those of us getting on in years who can't get out as much as we want and whose friends have died or moved far away. For young people whose studies, work, happenstance or life choices have settled them long distances -- continents and oceans -- distant from old friends and family, the Internet is a godsend. Skype and programs like make it possible to see the faces we love. If we cannot share a hug, we can share face time. Electronic communications are fast or instant. Texting and IM, Twitter, Facebook, even YouTube -- let us share in ways that were science fiction just a few years ago.

Without my computers, I would be truly isolated. The fibromyalgia, arthritis and heart condition make getting around difficult. Without electronic connection, I would be a squirrel up a tree without a fellow squirrel to keep me company.

This post was inspired by Dawn Hoskings on whose post I was commenting when I realized -- again -- how lucky I am to be living in a world that lets me enjoy virtual travel and participate in a larger world. I'm glad -- proud -- to be part of a community of bloggers, a community of friends around the world. And deeply grateful. How about you? I'd like to hear your stories.

WHY I BLOG AND YOU PLAY GOLF

A friend asked me why I do this, why I blog. So I asked her why she plays golf.

We do what we do because we love it, need to do it, or both. Writing is like breathing. If I don’t write, I suffocate. My friend needs to compete, to be active. To play golf or she will suffocate.

I can’t begin to count the number of people who have told me they want to be writers, but don’t know how to start. They want me to tell them how. Because they asked the question, I’m reasonably sure they will never be writers. If you are a writer, you write. No one has to tell you how or when. You will write and you will keep writing because it is not what you do, it is who you are. It is as much a part of you as your nose or stomach.

I started writing as soon as I learned to read, which was about 45 minutes after someone handed me a book. It was as if a switch had been thrown in some circuit in my brain. Words felt right. Putting words on paper was exactly the same as speaking, but took longer. I didn’t mind the extra time because I could go back and fix written words. Being able to change my words and keep changing them until they said exactly what I wanted them to say was the grail.

I was awkward socially and my verbal skills were not well suited to my age and stage in life. I was not good at sports and no one wanted me on her team. In retrospect, I can understand why. But when I was a kid, it hurt. Games and other social activities let you become popular, make friends, and do those other things that matter to youngsters. I couldn’t do the regular stuff … but I could write and I could read and that gave me wings. I might be a klutz, but words let me build my own worlds.

I was consuming adult literature when I was so little that my mother had to run block with the librarian to make sure I was allowed to read whatever I wanted. I had to be told to stop reading so I would eat, sleep, or go outside. If I was writing, nothing could stop me. Some things never change.

If you are going to be a writer, you know it. Practice will make you a better writer, can help you understand how to build a plot  and produce books that publishers will buy, but writing itself is a gift. If you have it, you know it.

Writers have words waiting to be written, lining up for the opportunity to get put on paper or into the computer. It may take quite a while for you to find what your special area will be, fact or fiction. However it sorts out, you will write, professionally or as a private passion.

There are many gifts. Talent comes in an endless number of flavors. If you have the soul of a musician, you’ll find a way to make music. The same with painting, photography, drawing, running, hitting a baseball or throwing one so that it just skims that outer corner of the plate at 96 miles per hour. Mathematics, engineering, architecture … creativity and talent are as varied as the people who use it.

Gifts are given to us. It’s up to us to use our gifts as best we can. Not everyone is gifted, Plenty of people would give anything for gifts that you may take for granted. What is easy for you may be impossible for most people.

So my advice to all hopeful writers is simple. Write. Don’t talk about it. Do it. Write a lot, as often as you can, even if most of it is awful and you never show it to anyone. Sooner or later, you’ll find your way to where you should be. If you don’t write, it is your loss, but it may also be the world’s loss. You will never know how good you can be if you don’t try. Blogging is freedom -- no deadlines, no editor looking over my shoulder, I can write about anything with no word count to meet. For me, blogging is retirement. For young writers, it can be a platform to try out your style, your ideas. To find your audience and discover what they like, a great way to get feedback to help you find your voice.

I hate golf. I can’t figure out why anyone would want to walk or ride around an enormous lawn hitting a little white ball. I can’t think of anything more boring … but I know a lot of golfers who live for it. The rest of the week is just a pause between tee times.

So, if you don’t get why I write, that’s okay. You don’t have to get it. That I get it and can do it and other people read it is good enough. You do your thing, I’ll do mine.

A BLOG ISN'T JUST A PLACE TO POST

I've been trying to figure out why I miss my original site - Serendipity - so much. I mean, after all, isn't one site the same as another?

It turns out, no, they aren't. Every blog has a unique flavor, a personality. They grow and change with whoever is minding it and in response to feedback from readers and followers. It took me close to two years to develop an active following for Serendipity. I know many as friends, as people. I know about their lives. I know what makes them laugh, grabs their interest. Over the almost 1500 posts I put up in the life and times of Serendipity, I tailored my writing to accommodate my audience. Because I love making people smile. Their comments and responses gave me ideas and fed my muse (so to speak).

Not knowing who I'm reaching is a little strange, like standing at a podium in a city I've never visited before, knowing I have to give a speech to an auditorium full of strangers. I know some of my old friends are out there, but I can't see past the footlights. I'm not sure if you'll like me.

Most of you don't know my history. That's another thing. When you have a continuity of work, your continuing life story, so to speak, you don't have to keep repeating the stuff that shows who the essential "you" is. You can build from the last story, link earlier stories, refer to things you've written about before. It's the difference between comfortably chatting with an old friend and cultivating a new friend who doesn't know your personal history or the weird twists and turns your brain takes.

New acquaintances can easily misunderstand my odd brand of humor! It's definitely odd. Peculiar, even.

Forgive me as I fumble a bit, trying to find my feet. The ground is slippery and this is new territory. I didn't intend to start over, though I knew I would have to, sooner or later because the volume of material being supported on Serendipity was perilously large, graphics and text. The mechanics of Blogger are quite different than the mechanics at WordPress. It's not a criticism of either platform: it's just different and I'm still hard put to even find the menus on Blogger.

Welcome old friends. Please comment or email to let me know that you're there.

Welcome new friends. Come meet me. Introduce yourselves. I'm sure I'll love you when I've had a chance to get to know you. I'm a stranger in a strange land (thank you, Robert Heinlein) and I have a feeling it's about to get stranger still.