CHRISTMAS -- FAMILY, FRIENDS, MOVIES, TV - by Garry Armstrong

Here we are again somewhere in what's probably the most bittersweet or sweet bitter time of the year for most of us. It's the jolly, holly Christmas to New Year period.  It's the time of year filtered through childhood memories for many and wrapped in holiday music, movies, and hectic preparations to greet folks we don't often see.  We need to force ourselves to shift gears, putting aside worries about health, bills and family drama to put on a happy face for the most wonderful time of the year. 

Emotions are curious. The holiday season plays fast and loose with our emotions. For those of us who internalize our feelings, it can be tricky. Smiling is not easy. Showing pleasure or happiness isn't instinctive. It was easy for me to show emotions in my professional life. But we're talking about real life. I'm past the September of my years. Getting into the Christmas spirit is harder than ever. I miss childhood.

As a child, Christmas was a time of anticipation. I was the kid in A Christmas Story.  The year I campaigned for the two-gun Roy Rogers set was very anxious for me. My hopes were almost dashed when I thought Santa had not heard me as we ripped though our presents that Christmas morning. But my Dad who always had a funny smile during Christmas and New Year's Eve, motioned to one last present. Yes!! It was the DELUXE Roy Rogers two-gun set with 2 rolls of caps!! Even Mom smiled as I squealed in delight.

I never thought we were as poor as Mom frequently reminded us because we usually got what we wanted on Christmas. Those holiday memories include relatives who are long gone. Our Christmas card list was long and included Aunts, Uncles and Cousins, Grandpa and Grandma who I can still see clearly in my sense memory. I used to carefully print the card messages when I was young. As I grew older, I proudly displayed my penmanship, writing endearments to my relatives. I thought they would be in my life forever.

These days, I am the only one in my family to actually write and mail Christmas cards. I take the time to write messages to each person. Usually I wind up with writer's cramp for my efforts. But I see my Mother hovering behind me somewhere, nodding her approval. I have to remind myself NOT to buy or write cards to Mom, Dad, Grandpa, Grandma and all those Aunts and Uncles. They're all gone as are many of my friends.

Something is missing in those cherished memories. I have to force a smile. I'm not a kid anymore. I'm Gramps, one of the old people  as my 17-year-old Granddaughter calls my Bride and me. There is a sense of loneliness that won't go away. The movies are my cure-all.

I grew up as a child of the movies. I  saw my first film, The Best Years Of Our Lives,  during the holiday season of 1946. My Dad had just returned from the war.  He was in uniform and seemed 10 feet tall as we went to the venerable radio City Music Hall to see the movie which is still a favorite with Marilyn and me.  Movies and their fantasies have always been a part of my life, my personality. I am comfortable, charming and loquacious when talking about movies. I lose myself in movies, especially westerns and holiday movies.

I can laugh, smile, cry and sing along with favorite movies like It's a Wonderful Life, Meet Me In St. Louis, A Christmas Story, The Shop Around the Corner,  and many other memorable films shared in our collective sense memory. But once the movie is over, it's back to reality minus the celluloid good cheer. Ironically it was the same way during my life as a TV news reporter. I did holiday stories ranging from heartbreak to feel-good. Thousands, maybe tens of thousands of people over decades watched those stories and associated me with all the festive times.  The real me smiles at the TV reporter me -- trying to separate fact from fiction.  Print the legend, as they say in that old western.

One of the nice things about this holiday season is catching up with long-lost friends who've found me on Facebook. One person, a former mentor, who I presumed dead chatted me up, clearly remembering the years when I was a young reporter full of myself.

Then, there was the overnight radio show I did on WBZ radio in Boston last weekend. It is hosted by my dear, dear friend, Jordan Rich. Jordan has been through a very rough patch recently losing a loved one. But he spread friendship and laughter for his gang of movie mavens as we entertained listeners who called in from all parts of the country to chat about favorite holiday movies.

During breaks and commercials, we laughed and giggled like teenagers. The listeners picked up on our mood and said that it was infectious especially for many who were alone, lonely or depressed. I cried a little when an elderly woman thanked Jordan for being a life line. After the show, now close to 4 am, Jordan and I lingered talking about our lives and our families. We hugged each other for a long time with plans to get together again for a movie night out with Marilyn.

As I walked out the door, I looked back and Jordan was smiling. I felt warm outside and inside. That moment  will stay with me throughout the holidays and beyond. It's good to be able to smile!

CHRISTMAS FROM OUTSIDE

Being a non-observant Jew is effectively no religion. It isn’t like being an atheist because it doesn’t imply a belief inno god. My mother was an atheist. I understand what it means. To me, atheism requires as much certainty as any other faith. You have to know something you can’t really know. It’s faith, even if it’s faith in nothingness.

Given my upbringing and personal preferences, I’m mildly uncomfortable celebrating all religious holidays, including Jewish ones. I feel as if I’m wearing someone else’s clothing. Even when they fit well and look good, I know they aren’t mine. Every year when Christmas rolls through town flattening everything and everyone in its path, I bow to its power and supremacy. I enjoy the lights, music,  gifts and season while remaining aware it isn’t my holiday. When everyone is sharing their warm fuzzy memories of Christmas as a child, I have no equivalent memories to share. Not of Christmas or any holiday because my mother, atheist that she was, celebrated nothing. As a kid, I yearned to be part of Christmas. All my friends had trees and got a zillion presents. I would wander around to my various friends’ houses, stay a little while, aware I wasn’t really welcome. Then I would go home. I felt so left out.

When I married my first husband, his family was almost as religious as mine. They were pretty sure they had been — at some point in the past — something, but they weren’t sure what. They celebrated Christmas with enormous energy and enthusiasm, without any bothersome religious overtones. It was an alcoholic’s dream holiday featuring eggnog that might actually kill you. And very tree-ish. My father-in-law hauled in the biggest trees I’ve ever seen in a private home. Paul Bunyan would have been impressed.

That first Christmas (1965), they pulled out all the stops. They had a Jew to entertain. How exciting. A new audience. Jeff passed away twenty years ago, but his mother — she will be 104 in February — still sends a Christmas present. I have one in the living room right now waiting to be unwrapped.

The nine years I lived in Israel gave me perspective. There was no evidence of Christmas. Chanukah was a holiday, but not like Christmas. Passover and Sukkot were big festivals. It was comfortable to be a Jew in Israel. That sounds redundant, but the freedom to live by a Jewish calendar was no small thing. Even if you were entirely non-religious, you didn’t feel the pressure to be involved in what is — theoretically — a Christian holiday, but is — as practiced — Pagan. I like the Pagan part.

Basically, I have no religious affiliation. Jewish by ethnicity and history. And I know a lot about Judaism, admire it, but I don’t practice it and never have. I thought seriously about practicing it but it didn’t fit better than anything else. I’m skeptical of everything, certain of nothing. I have no answers.

So to all of you, Merry Christmas. Have a cool Yule and a grand Solstice. Whatever you celebrate, please — enjoy it! I’ll sing along because I know all the words.

A NEW ENGLAND CHRISTMAS POSTER

CELEBRATING EVERYTHING

It's that time of year again, when people of good will get all bent out of shape because we don't celebrate the same holidays. It's not even Halloween and the posts are up on Facebook proclaiming "Merry Christmas" is the only "right" way to greet people. "Happy Holidays" is profane. If ever there was a moronic argument explicitly designed to ruin the season, this is it.

In my extremely humble opinion, Happy Holidays may be a trifle bland, but hardly profane. It is, however, more inclusive than Merry Christmas because there are a lot of holidays bundled into this short season. Whatever you say in greeting, it's fine with me. It's the thought that counts.

Why in the world does it matter to you whether or not I follow the same customs as you? If you celebrate Christmas, I'm glad for you. I rejoice with you. Deck the halls. Decorate trees. String lights. Dress up as Santa. Put a manger and a plastic baby Jesus in your front yard. I'll come to your party and I'll take pictures too. I'm not a Christian, don't want to be Christian but that doesn't mean I'm against whatever you believe.

I've got an offer for all of you. If you are willing to celebrate my holidays, I'll celebrate yours. Wait a minute. I've got an even better deal for you. Let's celebrate all the holidays together. I want Samhain, Yule, Hanukkah, Passover, Sukkot, Epiphany, Christmas. Forgive me for not being familiar with all the religious calendars, but feel free to add everything I've left out. All prayers are good prayers; all holidays are good holidays.

I think every single person of every faith -- or no faith -- is entitled to celebrate (or not celebrate) the season however they want. You should honor that. Stop prating how others are disrespecting your faith while you trample roughshod over theirs.

A lot of Christians are an embarrassment to Jesus, who was a proper Rabbi and a good Jew.

I want to celebrate the Winter Solstice and the Vernal Equinox. I want celebrations for everyone and everything. We don't need more acrimony. Let's have more parties, more festivals. More happiness.

Be of good cheer. Holidays are coming. I don't care how you express your joy in the season. Be joyous for yourself and for all of us. Stop being petty and mean-spirited. Christianity isn't the only, the oldest or inherently most valid faith. Get your holiday spirit on. Love your neighbor. Behave like you believe all people are equal in the eyes of whatever deity you claim to worship. Or don't worship.
And have a wonderful season!